the weather inside me

dark moonings: "I think it's your heart"

Mars had definitely gone direct, but I'm hearing stories of major, sudden hirings and firings --or of folks plotting, plotting, plotting...

It's a picture of a major cycle shift emerging under a dark moon, I think. And well, geez, we got that T-square between Venus, Pluto and Saturn immediately after Mars turned direct. Lots of power plays and more than a few grudges outed, from what I hear. Luckily none have landed on me. Nothing feels entirely "up with people" yet. But gut level realizations galore. Dark moon.

A writer friend who's recently been in the hospital for heart trouble is really struggling right now. She sent me this passionate plea overnight, which evolved into a discussion about her heart and the current Leo/Mars cycle: Leo traditionally rules the human heart, both the physical and the emotional heart, and frequently physical heart trouble is a sign that emotional heart trouble preceded it by years. But who hasn't had their heart broken before?

Here's a bit of her response, which began with an unsubtle defense of her ipod purchase. I've highlighted the Leo relevant ideas:

...I used payment for my stories in the Sistahfaith anthology. Those stories broke my heart. And it's so odd, that right after I read my copy, these massive upheavals began to happen, and I've realized I've built an armor of false identities around me. And they must go. My heart is broken, but the doctors can't find the fissures. Yet, they keep saying, "I think it's your heart." I'm beginning to believe my heart is saying, it is time for you to let me see the sun. I've desired to be a saint. Thomas Merton said, to be a saint is to be yourself. Maybe that is what I lost. Myself.

A new friend of mine just returned from a life shattering trip to India to study with a Sufi Master. He told this story about walking to find this memorial site, and getting lost in a very hostile environment. The men on this seedy side of town made them take off their shoes because it was holy ground, and then they tried to charge them all this money to get them back. It was becoming very tense, when this man, dressed in pristine white walks up to them. He says, in perfect English, "What are you doing here?" When Steve said that, I thought, isn't that so much of the spiritual life. God saying, "What are you doing here?" In some hostile environment where you're treated like you're a fool, and where you are totally disrespected, and all you can say is, "I was looking for something, and then realized I was lost."

What are you doing here? What a question! I wouldn't file it entirely under "spiritual" but it surely begins there. Leo shows us how to respect ourselves. But failing to respect ourselves, Leo is perfectly capable of forging the finest armor of false pride and false identity.

Not that we have many examples of true self-respect to follow. We've got false pride and false identity models galore, though. Most of us work in hostile environments where people fail to respect us. We're lucky, in fact blessed, when we find compassionate and caring people. It's just so rare in these days of endemic, programmed mass-fear.

If someone said to you, "You've got to respect yourself," where would you begin? Who would you look to as a model of this elusive trait?

And what the hell does self-respect look like anyway? I think it looks something like a heart. What makes your heart pump? What drives you like nothing else --you know, in those moments when nobody's around to grade you, guard you or give you props, a paycheck or a pat on the back? It's like some core energy cell that never fails us.

Leo is represented by the Sun. The Sun is the core source of energy in our SOLAR system. When we fail to recognize the core of our own energy, we fail to contact the core source of the physical world in which we live. It's like we're just not plugged in.

But we can pretend. With Leo, it's all to easy to pretend.

down and under with the scorpio moon

A couple of thoughts for this Scorpio Moon day.

"I think he knew that, through his own pain, his own suffering, his own anxiety, his own love, and his own journey, he could relate to people in an intimate way. . . . He was one of the most humble men I ever met and one of the men most tormented with anxiety. . . . At the same time he was one of the most confident men I ever met." - Brian Carroll, psychotherapist and former Franciscan priest

Anyone who's taken up the mantle of service to mankind inevitably hit an wall in their work. Perhaps it's mere enthusiasm that drove them to their cause, or perhaps they've had deeper, nobler inspirations for their work. However they're motivated, they sooner or later run into a massive obstruction that challenges everything they believed about their intentions and their purpose.

On one side of this wall is every belief they held about their skills, their competence, their experience and their flaws. On the other side of the wall is everything they don't know about everything. The wall itself is doubt, frustration, anger, incompetence, failure, fear, loss... I could go on. The important point is, the wall feels more like an insurmountable mountain, a Mount Everest of lost causes. 

Despite the Venus-Uranus bingle, many of us feel we're facing an insurmountable Mt. Everest of lost causes today. This is the feeling we can assume when a major planet like Uranus is lingering at the end of the sign Pisces.

Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, the Omega Point of the mandela. In the last degrees of Pisces we can get the feeling of things falling apart, the center can no longer hold. Something must die, must shift, must be cast out before we can start over again. With Uranus there, we can feel a tremendous urge to change. But Uranus energy is not consistent; what it wants one moment may not be what it wants the next. If we're not aware of it's push-pull tendencies and can't get perspective on the dynamic and the larger purpose of Uranus energy, it can feel like a visit to the grocery store with toddler hopped up on a bowl full of Fruit Loops. I want that! No, that! No, no, no! No say that!!!

Exhausting.

But if you can't take yourself home and solve the problem with a teddy bear and a nap, what do you do?

Reading a couple of weeks ago about Father Mychal Judge, I found the quotation above. I kept it; I don't know why. Perhaps for today. Who knows? Father Mychal was the first victim retrieved from the south tower collapse on 9/11, and according to the many stories I've read about him, he was an extraordinary ordinary man by any measurement. But I'll let you judge for yourself.

The quotation, however you think of its subject, suits a Scorpio Moon day like today. Father Mychal taught those who knew him there's a confidence that comes from knowing you have nothing left to lose. We usually learn this lesson from action heroes who, in a desperate leap of self-preservation and/or sacrifice, leap off a tall building or bust through a window and save the damsel in distress. Most of us gave up emulating action heroes long ago, though. And our heroism has long been replaced by doubt and fear. But Father Mychal's legacy suggests an alternative. Lingering here at the end of everything, we can surely find some strength in our doubts and fears.

Scorpio Moon doesn't scale mountains. Scorpio isn't an 'up and over' impulse, it's a 'down and under' strength. Scorpio Moon dives into the hidden stream that lies beneath the mountain of our frustration, and swims the depths of our unconscious fears to emerge on the other side of what we don't know. Scorpio gives us the will to explore what lies beneath the surface of everything.

Scorpio Moon will meet the Pisces Mercury, Sun, Venus and Uranus today and tomorrow --and share thoughts with Pluto in Capricorn, too. It's a co-mingling of emotional waters, running beneath the mountain that is this great shift in eras (Pluto in Capricorn). Some things are absolutely falling apart. What do you need to know about that? What don't you know yet? Where have you come to end of your confidence, creativity, assurance, skill, faith? What is your wall today?

Down and under...

Painting: G. Okoemova

Sculpture: "Hombre en llamas" Jason DeCaires Taylor, underwater sculpture

maybe not the best morning to do drugs

...in case you were looking for somethun' a little unusual with your Lucky Charms today.

Our lingering Pisces Moon will bump into that Uranus at the end of his long, strange seven year trip through Pisces. This is a great for brilliant inspirations, but hell on the paranoid. If your co-worker today spills their latest theories on why pygmy aliens are taking over the Library of Congress, you don't have to ask what they had for breakfast. Just assume. For some of us, just the food coloring in those Lucky Charms is enough to set off a reaction. Eat safely, kids.

the february 13th aquarius new moon: It's a little crazy, but it's a start...

New Moon on Saturday, February 13th!

I'm having a hard time putting this New Moon into words. New Moons are about new starts, but this one is a little strange.

First off, whatever life innovation is in your sights --health, home, family, love, work, creativity-- gets a big Cosmic Kiss this coming week. If you're willing to experiment, do. Listen to what you've been learning about your personal preferences; you'll know what step to take.

So here's my visual summation --Captain Kirk in tights. The theme? It's a little crazy, but it's a start.

Kirk here has got the vibe. Easy into the change. Sometimes just the toe shoes and tights are all you need. You know, dress up a bit and then go hang out on the Bridge. See how others respond to you. See how the tights feel. It's just a dress rehearsal for this part of the New You. Experiment.

With Valentine's stuff all wrapped up in this astrology, you might have a relationship question on deck now. My answer: Yes, as long as you keep yourself honest.

This means, primarily, honesty about your attraction to the Other and honestly about your devotion to a New You. Since October (even more since late December) Leo's been teaching us a lot about what our hearts really want and what truly inspires us. Don't deny that or distort that. This is a rehearsal for new directions. Be clear about keeping the conversation open and the intentions on the surface. There's a little bit o' Instant Karma coming this summer, so play nice and you'll like life a lot more come August.

For everyone: We've got 3 more months of Leo Mars, so more ideas are on the way. Focus on the experimental nature of the moment. Imagination and a playful Piscean kookiness will keep all the tete-a-tetes on the right waves length.

You know it sounds crazy, but it is a start...

we can do it: the capricorn dark moonie

 You'll feel like a total grump today and tomorrow if you're not working hard at your New Plan For A New You. Capricorn Moon loves work and loves a plan. So find something practical and do-able today and get crackin'. It's the only cure for what ails ya.

Dark Moon phase (the end of a moon cycle) favors finishing projects and culling redundant/obsolete anything from your life. Thinking Capricornly: what authority issue, work detail, tool(s), objet de travaille, or goal needs revision or dumping? 

Cappy Moon also gets a little pixie dust blessing from Jupiter in Pisces Dreamland configuration today, so believe the effort will pay off. Just do the work.

Note to anyone with Cap Sun/Rising/or Moon: YOU are NOT the one needing dumping. For once take a pass on the guilt-factor and decide it's not your issue. Declare "time-out" this Dark Moon phase and go move your boundary markers.

when the moon's away, the things will play

Just another thought.

The Moon is a little like Mom. The Moon sign tells us what kind of mood Mom's in, right? And with the Moon Void of Course all day, it's like Mom's gotten lost at Costco and we get the house to ourselves!

And who's left to hold down the fort? Uranus. The Sun, Venus, Chiron and Neptune all want to mix things up and Mom's not around to tell them 'no'.

This is like inviting Thing One and Thing Two over for a play date. heh. heh. Don't count on anything quite happening like you planned.

Have fun. Some of you will love this vibe. You can do your mea culpa tonight when Scorpy Mom gets home and sleuths-out your shenanigans.

And me? Venus is spot on my natal Venus today. Welcome back, friend. Got a sweet little blessing for the occasion: an in-town writing retreat. Free. Heading over there today. That's Venus for ya.

void, of course and then into the deep

The Libra Moon finished it's sweet sweep alongside the Venus/Chiron/Neptune confab and today is on it's way to Scorpio.

But until then it's a light day with no aspects to the Moon. No aspects = no connections = Void of course.

Void of course (VOC) should become part of your astro vocabulary. It's a space in time, usually a few hours, when we cruise with no Moon-astrological conversations on tap. (I just mistyped "on tao" --which makes sense, too.) Anywhoo. The practical application for "void of course" is "out of pocket". Folks don't respond to your emails or phone calls. You drift. Ideas just don't come to mind and you feel a little aimless. Decisions made during void of course hours are often forgotten.

You probably can't defer your workday obligations during every VOC; however, you can modify your expectations about an impending decision or contact. Just chill. They'll get back when the Moon starts contacting folks again, too.

Which will be about the end of the workday today (in North America). This evening the Moon heads into Scorpio and makes a trine to Jupiter in Pisces. It's a lovely, easy aspect that brings emotional depth to the day.

Keep it real, though. Scorpio loves a conspiracy and Pisces can be a gullible as all get-out. So unless you're working in a creative/artistic capacity tonight, keep it real. Check your facts. Know where the boundary lies between fantasy and fact.

virgo moon: embrace your inner neurotic

Welcome Virgo Moon. The Virgo Moon has a very bad rap as the ne plus ultra of neurotic cases. Anything in Virgo has this potential, but the Moon gets bonus points because it hits you right in the emotion center.

BUT. While Jupiter is sprinting through Pisces, you get a break. There's heaps of kindness and compassion right across the table from you now. Sweetness and delight. And Pluto in Capricorn is standing by Virgo's side. They're both earth signs; they like to see results from an encounter. It's like a blind date that works out.

SO. Here's my assignment. Each month when the Virgo Moon arrives you must embrace your inner neurotic.

Yes, that's right. Give him a big hug. Buy him some ice cream and tell him you think he's really swell. You know, if it weren't for your I.N. you'd be a far less memorable person and no one would be interested in telling stories about you when you're gone. Your I.N. is the reason you think heaven is boring: what would you have left to obsess about? You might as well enjoy your neurosis while you're still here on earth.

Now. Imagine yourself doing something your I.N. would never, ever admit: accept a compliment without poo-pooing the complimenter, really enjoy a hug, or forgive the 15 pounds you gained last year. Dream about the scariest thing you want right now. Dream that it all works out.

Do it just for a day. No big deal. If you I.N. complains, ruffle his hair, call him a "big galoot" and keep dreaming.

Magic black guy is not going to ease our worries, analysts tell us, despite the ball of light he's holding in his hand.

Yeah. Eric's finally off the Planet Waves annual report leash and now delivering entertaining commentary on the Leo Full Moon and AIG bailout testimony in Congress. (I just fat-fingered that as "testimoney". Truly.)

This is great reading if you're following the financial crisis.

Photo: From PlanetWaves/CNN.

how astrology (nearly) saved my sanity, pt.6: the pluto-moon crisis (for real)

"I don't want to be good; I want to be whole." Carl Jung

When your shocked shelf lands in your therapist's office, having not slept for two days and degenerated into a wasted wet mess, you are officially in a Crisis. But when your therapist smiles and says annoying things like "This is good," you are officially in the Pluto Crisis.

The Pluto Crisis doesn't come on with a bang. That's Uranus' style. No, Pluto is stealthy. Pluto has a long, long fuse before it goes 'boom'. And the crises comes when you stop trying to control what's happening to you and instead acknowledge your powerlessness over the transformation it's demanding. Pluto transits are non-optional, and it's better if you know that up front.

I explain it this way to some of my friends: it's like a Garden of Gesthemene experience; you get to say, "take this away, please, but if I have to, then it's thy will not my will." And they understand this image. Except they're picturing something pious and "pure" like this:

When the experience is a lot more like this.

Which is why most people freak out during Pluto transits.

Pluto transits are evolutionary. That's the goal, anyway. To evolve usually means taking a step up, becoming more conscious, more capable, less neurotic, more...together. Which is where Jung's idea comes in: not good, whole. Which means we've got to look at both the pretty and the unpretty parts of us.

The Pluto-Moon transit wants to evolve your emotional foundations --specifically your unconscious emotional foundations. Pluto-Moon transits will call into question everything we've assumed about our family of origin and every emotional "reality" we've attached to that experience.

The "Good" Person Dilemma.

Personally, I'm with Jesus on this score, "who is good but God?" Which means, none of us have got our act together. But we try anyway. We SO want to be "good" people and each of us inherit a set of expectations of what a "good" person is and does. Largely these are cultural/belief system templates overlaid upon our personalities for the benefit of simplifying our lives. Well, sort of. They solve certain problems of social identity but create other problems of individual identity. Later, we may jettison some of the family belief system model and adopt the "good person" model of our social group. But we never really let go of the whole original template, there are just more layers to our assumptions now. Pluto-Moon transits demand we get a new (hopefully) more healthy emotional foundation. Pluto-Moon transits force us to get to the bottom of the "good person" dilemma.

But before we're able to get closer to wholeness, we have to go collect the parts of us we've been shoving into the back closet of our minds. Think of it this way: our mind is a house full of stuff we've collected since childhood, but like our own homes, we prefer to show our guests the 'clean' rooms. It's bad form to look through someone's medicine cabinet or kitchen drawers, you know. But Pluto doesn't care. He comes in and slowly, gradually, determinedly pulls all the clutter from your mental closets and dumps every memory and detail in a heap before you.